Family might not be what you think?

Growing up I learned there were four types of family.

The first were the people you lived with. Your spouse, Your kids, your parents and your siblings. For the adults in this situation, it was the life and family they chose. For the kids, it was kinda forced upon them. Some kids can't stand this family and move out as soon as possible. Some kids stay and grow up hating this family, while others are close. 

The second family is your extended family. These are normally your parents family. Their parents, siblings, and their kids. These can also be your kids, parents or siblings once everyone leaves the nest. These are people that are typically only known for two reasons. One someone needs something, or someone is bored. Many times these types of family dont know each other exsists. These people are not essentially thought of or possibly disliked. They're basically family on a per need basis. Many of these people hold themselves in much greater importance than they actually are in others lives.

The third type of family are the people you see and reunions, gatherings, and funerals. These are normally your grandparents family, their brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, and if lucky parents. These people are hardly known or spoken two. They're normally only family because of biological relationships but range from strangers to acquaintances.

The last type of family are people met that become family. These are people who are there for the good times and the bad. People who are turned to when in need. Who just make one feel better or at ease. People that can be counted on and are also cool to hang out with. People that you would sacrifice for or would do the same for you. 

One of the misconceptions is that blood makes right or that people have to drop everything for family. I have seen people guilt people who refuse to help them, regardless if they were medically able to or not. I have seen family disown family because a family member told them no. I have seen family hold others back, and family use people. I have seen family tell other family members life events but never once praise them. 

Family means different things to different people. I am an INTJ. I care for many but I live in a bubble. My place of work and place where I lay my head Is all I focus on. Most introverts are like that. However as an INTJ my relationships with everyone else is on a business spectrum. What do we each need? Does it benefit me? Do I want to help or hang out with? Do they really need to hang our or need help?

See some people can find out everything they need from a few short texts or within 15 minutes of being around someone and have no further need to socialize with them. That includes with family. 

Basically what stage of family you've been placed in by another, and how another views family may differ from your own. A parent may have brought a child into this world but they did so at their choice not because the kid asked. A parent may have taken care of and provided for a kid but they were required to as that's the job of a parent. The kid owes them no thanks for doing their job, even if it's nice to receive appreciation. 

Some people cannot handle when they move groups. A sibling or parent may expect their daughter or brother to continue to put them before their husband or wife. It doesn't work like that and some people aren't mature enough or are too self centered to understand that. 

You'll notice people complaining about the youth of their family treating them in the same manner that they, themselves treat their elders. Look at how you treat your family, and then look at how the younger generation treats you. The reasons for your actions dont matter. Dysfunction starts at the top. The example you set, is the one the future generations will follow. "Children are the future, teach them well and let them lead the way." Teach or treat family poorly and suffer the same fate.